I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
