just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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