very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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