I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize