In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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