Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
