I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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