dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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