I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
