honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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