I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
