There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
