I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
