so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize