Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
