Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
