What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
