If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
