i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
