ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
