In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
