I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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