I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
