She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize