we have pet lesbian snakes
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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