Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
