So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
