Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
