apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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