so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
