It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
