remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
