im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
