He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
