I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
