The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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