"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
