yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize