My room smells like vodka and shame
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
