Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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