Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
