Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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