dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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