Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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