That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
