dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
