where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
