u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
