billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize