I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
