Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did I show you my penis last night?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
