I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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