Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize