thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
