Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
