i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
