i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
