sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
