why didn't you poke me back
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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