I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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