I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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