I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i think im in europe. pls send help
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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