i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
